Why do dogs look so miserable while you're giving them a bath?

My dog is the best dog in the world.  Really.  She never gets mad at me, she's always happy to see me and she'll give me kisses even if I have bad breath.  She is my constant companion and even sleeps on my feet while I sew.  Her only flaw is that she loves to roll in anything stinky she might find in the yard.

Something about all those extra olfactory senses makes what the deer leave behind in the grass smell so good to her she just wants to coat herself in it.  I don't get it, but I love my dog so I buy lots of doggy shampoo. 

This morning Mae went out to chase an intruding squirrel out of her territory and came back with the most lovely aroma attached to her.  I pointed and she walked herself right into the bathroom, hopped in the tub and looked at me.  She looked so miserable.  She knew what was coming.  She accepted defeat.  As I turned on the water and tested it to make sure it wasn't too warm, she feebly licked my face. Just once.  It was like she was forgiving me for forcing her to go through such an ordeal. 

Why yes, that is my white couch!

That's pretty sad all alone, but it really does get worse.  While she's standing there in the tub soaking wet, tail tucked between her legs and her ears all slicked back, I kinda want to cry.  It gets a little better when I put the soap on her.  I mean, I don't think she's happier, but who doesn't laugh at a dog who is covered in soap bubbles?  The fur just sticks out in all different directions and you can put it in little mohawks.  The smell is gone and the dirt is coming off.  Those are good times right there. 

The rinsing comes next, then a good shake.  It's at this point that Mae starts to feel a little bit better.  She can see the light at the end of the bath tub.  She knows it's almost over.  I wrap her up in a towel, she rubs her face on my pants and then she's free!  She runs through the house.  She rubs herself all over my couches.   Yes, she's allowed.  I feel like she's earned it.  Plus, she's clean.  She just gets so excited and is so happy it's over.  The cat looks at her like she's an idiot.  She gets to have her favorite treat.





  

Now she's laying around getting dry.  Sometimes when I look at her I think she's planning what smelly thing she's going to roll in next. I mean, why can't a dog want to roll in chocolate?  Or cinnamon and apples?